To be read

I know I won’t be perfect every day, but I will try my hardest to smile even if I just cried for a few hours. I’m an ocean of worry and the only lifeboat that might appear is you. I will smile when it matters, when it counts.  Please, don’t take me for granted. I’m no longer a flower, I made sure of that. I ripped through every petal searching for soil that we once stepped on, I tried to search for the seed of love at first sight and I’m sorry, I scratched the veins and I  will probably wither in your palms.  I no longer act crazy, I made sure of that. I judged myself for who I was and who I wasn’t. I won’t show my true colors yet. I know you won’t love me on some days, I know I won’t always be kind when you whisper a slick remark, I know I  won’t enjoy long walks because I’m always exhausted, I’m always too tired and I  won’t always be fun.

Please be gentle with me, be loving to me, be the net for my stomach butterflies, be the cloud to hold my tears, I know how to come around.  Some days I might be emotionally destroyed because of something I was told a few years ago, I’m sorry about that too.  Some days I might be smiling from out of the blue and it might be spring. Some days I’ll be clingy, wait, I might be like that all of the time, shit, I’m sorry about that too.  You see, emotional and physical trauma comes in many forms and the people we tend to love can hurt us in the most messed up ways. I was that person, don’t be that guy.  Don’t pick up poetry, you’ll make me cry.  Don’t have sex with me just to have sex with me, don’t. Notice my smile, notice the way I undress my blossoms, pay attention to how my slow breaths can spell out your name.  Anyone can have sex, not everyone can make love.  That is a truth I had to learn after gone through pain.  And some days I’ll cry, and I’ll cry, and I’ll cry.  Dude, it’s that time of the month again. You’ll just have to love me. Love me like how none could.  You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be amazing. I  just have to feel amazed.  And I know I’m not perfect, I know I won’t be the best, I know I cry a lot, I know I’m not from magazine covers, I know I can be a handful, but I promise, I promise, if I know one thing.  One thing at all.  It is that I’ll make my best to make it be worth.  Please, make me smile because I didn’t smile enough back then, because I didn’t feel loved when I was being kissed, because I felt used and I’m to blame.  This is how you love me and what’s that famous quote?  Oh yeah!  This is how you keep her.